Hu-Bruce (hubris)

I'll tell you right off the bat, this entry has nothing to do with running. I'm taking this opportunity, this forum to vent a little about one of my arch nemeses (nemesi?), Bruce. He is a spin class instructor at my gym.

For the past two plus years, I've been enjoying the 5:45 am spin class taught by a lovely woman named Nancy. She used to teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Given her need to be at work at an early hour (she teaches middle school, I think), she has been tempted to give up teaching this class altogether. Last year, when having such thoughts, we (her loyal 'students') convinced her to keep the Tuesday class. Of course, we wondered who would take her place on Thursday mornings. Then we found out it would be Bruce. Oh no. Not Bruce!

Bruce is a permanent fixture at the gym - you know the type. A bit of a physical description is warranted, I think, in order to paint an accurate picture. Bruce is (I just learned today) in his early 60s, bald, and in reasonable shape (save for a notable widening around the midsection). He has filled in for Nancy's class here and there along the way. Along with death, taxes, and unladylike/embarrassing photos of Britney Spears, you can always count on Bruce to tell you (without anyone asking or mentioning anything even closely related) exactly how many classes he has taught recently and how many he will teach in the near future. Keep in mind, the vast majority of these classes are ones he picks up - where he is covering for the usual instructor. He does not have to pick up these classes. He chooses to do so... and, really, I think, just so he can say he taught X number of classes. You're SO hardcore, Bruce. He also loves to talk about how fit he is for his age and how people often are surprised to learn how old he is. Now, in fairness to Bruce, there is nothing bad about how he does his class. It's just his style that I find irritating.

So when my alarm clock went off around 5 this morning and I rolled out of bed and into the gym (ok... so there was some dressing and driving involved too, but you get the point), I was expecting to see Nancy setting up for the class. And then I saw Bruce. (**explictive**) Well, I figured I'd give him a shot... it had been a while since I had taken one of his classes and I was already there, so I figured why not. Of course he talked about how he had taught over twenty classes last week (no exaggeration - at least on my part) and how he was scheduled to teach four today. Ok, so some things never change.

Five minutes into the class time, he's still futzing around with some woman's bike, making the rounds to make sure everyone has their bikes properly adjusted, etc. The music is on and he's calling out commands:

Increase tension! Climb! Sprint!

Ten minutes, fifteen minutes go by... he's still just hanging out around the room, barking orders. Twenty minutes, twenty five, A HALF HOUR... and still, Bruce Almighty has yet to saddle up. HE DID NOT PEDAL ONE ROTATION FOR THE ENTIRE CLASS. HIS 62 YEAR OLD ASS NEVER GOT ON A BIKE!!! So why the F*** is he bragging about how many classes he's taught when apparently he thinks nothing of not actually leading the class in anything! OY!

As is typical for me, I leave the class post-cardio, pre-cool-down so that I can go downstairs and jump on the treddy for a couple of miles. As I'm putting my running shoes on (changing out of my special-fancy-dancy-clipless-pedal-hard-core-spin-class shoes), Bruce comes over to me, covers his Time-Life operator headset microphone with his hand and says to me, "You bike better than ever."

Thanks Bruce. Ew.

No, I don't think he was being a creepy old man. I think he sincerely meant that he appreciated my effort in his class. And, I will admit (as much as it pains me to do so), I did get a pretty good workout.

On the running.... just a quick 2 miles in 17 minutes.